i’m an amputee.
When I was younger, I always remember the first time I was aloud to leave the street to go to the corner shop.. I used to always find 10p somewhere so I’d have an excuse to go there and buy a tiptop… Nowadays I do my shopping online and pay £4 just so I don’t have to go to the shop..
I used to have brain freeze so much when I was a kid, I could have been a superhero.. especially with all the sugar that was in them.. Now I’m more like captain fucking lazy.. Things change when you go through Highschool I suppose…
The thing I remember most from my Highschool years, was the message sent to kids who were weird. We were taught that our dreams would amount to nothing and the strong kids would be forever praised. So subliminal that’s how my life is portrayed. Always fear those who are strong because they will always win the fight, your mind cant hurt them because sticks and stones hurt more.. but somehow their words hurt more than anything. I’d rather be punched and kicked than have to go through depression. Seeing how peoples lives are affected as it causes obsession. Schools don’t bat an eyelid when kids are bullied to the point where they need to escape, now I don’t really agree with drugs, but I see how some kids start smoking the joint. When it feels like everyone in life is against you and all you can do is listen to it all, the sky falling with nowhere to hide nothing to take pride in, your parents are old and don’t understand that you need approval, its like a demand, but they just want you to better yourself so that when you are older you can have better wealth. How can you get better when abuse gets worse, everyday anxiety hangs like a curse. Afraid to leave the street to afraid to leave the house to afraid to leave your room until your room is no longer safe and they just want it to end… Self harm isn’t a trend, it’s a symptom of war, a war that only the person in it can see, its a revolution inside the mind a battle of will and strength… but nobody can fight it on their own.. left to yourself a funeral is the only answer and the worst of it is that the kids die feeling that no funeral will be given to them because society has taught them that they’re worth nothing. These schools with trained teachers that don’t notice when a kid is going through the most fragile moment of their life, everyday debating whether of not to end it.. now I know my life would have ended a long time ago if I didn’t find coping mechanisms that didn’t involve self harming.. Even today I think of ways to make myself feel better so I can escape this slump called puberty.. Releasing endorphins is all I try to do, so I exercise in my room too scared to leave, the early signs of depression starting to enclose me, I need to get away to the one thing in life that I know is my real coping mechanism… my other half.. I can never complain about anything in my life because this girl is the bravest girl I have ever known, she is the most beautiful and if you were to ask her how she felt about herself.. you wouldn’t get an answer. In this society that teaches you from a young age, what you are and what you aren’t this girl got told she was worth nothing, constantly being called fat and ugly, for no reason whatsoever.. confined to her room most of her time… the most beautiful day of my life was our first date, its the day that I’m glad she lived for.. if she had killed herself beforehand, I know I wouldn’t be alive today.. Her mother thanks me for staying with her daughter through depression, but secretly, my heart only beats for her daughter, she is the blood flowing through my veins and she is the oxygen within that blood. I hope that every kid who has been failed by the school system will hold on to their fragile lives because something out there will make you happy, don’t listen to what the world tells you and follow your dreams because if you don’t follow your dreams, there is no point in dreaming or seeing any beauty on this planet that we are destroying, that we are guests to.. just hold on.. Remember that each day has a tomorrow and if tomorrow keeps getting worse and worse then at least one tomorrow the odds of it going well will be 100%.. There are good days out there, cherry picked throughout our lives like any good parts in the bible.. Only these good days will be so great that they disregard any bad day from our mind.. and we can remember these days.. we can use these days to fight the bad ones, every bad day has an ending just like every good day has a beginning and on those good days you will thank yourself for not ending the game because these good days.. are beautiful.. Her eyes, Her smile.. Her gorgeous face that I’d go through fire and ice and drown in water just to barely get through with any part of me still in tact, just so I can see her face, hold her and love her with all of this heart that I have.. Everybody has a heart and everybody has a meaning, finding this meaning is the hardest thing in life because you’re constantly reminded of what you don’t mean, of what you wont become and what you cannot have… I find myself dwelling in this cage wondering what my life will become and I have no answers.. But I will not give up because I don’t want to be something that I am not.. Something society tells me I am, but deep down I cry, misunderstood, thinking of what I could be.. But nothing makes sense any more, only this love to this girl that I want to make happy, that I want to be happy with.. I’ll disappoint everybody I know on the way to my own happiness with her, because I’ve found the meaning of my life and it is love.. Love that can be torn away in half a second because hearts are fragile and this girl is no girl.. She is a woman.. And I can never be anything, but proud of her.. Constantly fighting this battle in her mind, yet when I see the glimmer in her eyes when I know she’s happy.. It’s enough to make a grown man cry.. She clings to life like a snake on its prey, ready to tear shit up when she’s angry, but always tying to please the ones around her.. Always hiding the battle inside her, constantly loo, constantly loo, constantly looping in and out.. When it all seems normal it’s the calm before the storm and she knows this all too well until one day in the future when we hold our first baby in our arms I know she’ll see the true happiness in life.. My purpose in life is to love her.. Her purpose in life is to care for her child, to teach it how to deal with emotions and she will be the best mother in the world.. At this moment all the names will disappear and the only one name that will matter will be ”Mummy”.. She will refuse to be called mum because her kids will never grow old to her, she will always help them out and care for them because she is the greatest most caring woman on this planet… Our kids may as well believe in God because their mother is already an angel.. She is already a princess and I cannot wait for her to be my Queen..
SO dublin minors won the all ireland football this week (don’t worry if u don’t understand its just a sideline)
and they were all out celebrating
and they found daniel radcliffe in dublin at 4am and invited him to a house party with them
and he…went with them
How to celebrity; A book by Daniel Radcliffe